I often wonder about how much we insulate our children from things. I remember watching Vincent Price movies from behind the corner of the couch as a child, or being terrified when advertisements came on for horror movies and running and hiding in fear and plugging my ears with my fingers so I wouldnt have to listen.
This morning on the way to work I was reading an article on CNN.com and Maurice Sendak said some things that rang true to me.
Reporter: “What do you say to parents who think the Wild Things film may be too scary?”
Sendak: “I would tell them to go to hell. That’s a question I will not tolerate.”
Reporter: “Because kids can handle it?”
Sendak: “If they can’t handle it, go home. Or wet your pants. Do whatever you like. But it’s not a question that can be answered.”
Sendak: “This concentration on kids being scared, as though we as adults can’t be scared. Of course we’re scared. I’m scared of watching a TV show about vampires. I can’t fall asleep. It never stops. We’re grown-ups; we know better, but we’re afraid.”
Reporter: “Why is that important in art?”
Sendak: “Because it’s truth. You don’t want to do something that’s all terrifying. I saw the most horrendous movies that were unfit for child’s eyes. So what? I managed to survive.”
Remember, this guy is 81 years old. I miss the way people used to be. A couple of generations ago, parents didn’t worry about whether kids were happy all the time or comfortable 24/7 or wrapped in protective coating. Of course, they didn’t want their children hurt. But it’s hard to imagine they would have spent much time and effort trying to keep kids from being scared.
Quite the contrary, they used to tell them scary stories at bedtime or on camping trips — usually the kind intended to frighten little ones into behaving correctly. “And then one day, all the kids who didn’t listen to their mommies and daddies just disappeared. …”
I get it. We really, really, really like our children. In fact, we love our children and we think they’re the most precious little darlings ever created, and so naturally we want to protect them. And we should protect them from some things — predators, disease, abuse, etc. But we shouldn’t protect them from all things. And we certainly can’t protect them from life. And part of life is getting scared now and then. In time, we learn to separate reality from fantasy.
And yet, while one infamous set of parents could face criminal charges for pretending their son was in a balloon, other parents think nothing of keeping their kids in a bubble.
I love this quote: “This concentration on kids being scared, as though we as adults can’t be scared. Of course we’re scared.”
There’s a lot to be afraid of in the world. And if we can’t face and conqueror our fear of monsters, how will we ever face the very real and dangerous fears that exist – whether we stumble upon them or not – in our daily lives?
And great reference to The Balloon Boy. There’s a sad example of shutting children away and wrapping them up in fallacies and crack-pot schemes.
This was awesome. I loved that you shared the article. What an analogy about bubbles! I think sometimes kids are way too sheltered these days, and other times they’re not. But I remember seeing a lot of freaky stuff as a child…and somehow I survived. Unscathed. Maybe a little warped for the wear because I do love all things horror, but is that so bad???
Thank you for this post, and I have to say I love what OliveHalloween had to say in the comment above mine, it’s spot on.
A friend of mine and I got into a big fight after seeing ‘Where the Wild Things Are’ on opening day. I read the book so frequently as a child, I wore out three copies and still have a copy on my book shelf that I take down and read when things get a bit too serious and ‘adult’ and I’m 26 now. The movie moved something in me to the point of tears a few times and after wards all he said to me was ‘wow… that was rough. Now I see why they were saying it wasn’t for kids.’ I was completely dumb founded… the movie was true to the feelings of the book, even the ‘scary’ parts. So was he saying the book was too scary for kids too? It led to a big debate and argument, with me on the side of it being a fine children’s movie… kids can handle a lot more than people today give them credit for and him on the side of it being inappropriate for kids. Which to me, as someone who grew up watching horror flicks and being impressed by special effects, who’s favorite movie was (and still is) Edward Scissorhands (the part where the inventor dies and Edward’s scissors go through the rubber hands scared the fuck out of me as a kid… but I lived) I don’t get why parents feel the need to shelter their children from every ‘scary’ thing that comes on screen.
In my opinion, the real world is a hell of a lot more scary than any movie and if you keep your kids sheltered they are in for more of a shock than anyone who grew up a decade or longer ago once they hit adult hood…
I just stopped by to say, I got the skull book and its really awesome! Thanks!
My son’s first movie was Jurassic park. While the critics and pantywaists were screaming that it was too intense for children, he was enjoying a well produced show about dinosaurs. He knew that it was just a story, and that there were no ‘real’ dinosaurs to eat him up. He was 3 years old.
OliveHalloween gives excellent advice. Talk to your kids like people, not like embiciles. They will understand what you tell them.
I am reminded of a mother I saw last year hiding her daughter’s eyes under her coat as they passed the halloween endcap in Kmart. Mom was in a panic state,saying “don’t look! don’t look!”..good god, how could the kid NOT be scared with Mom acting like that. Get a grip people! Kids will act exactly how you teach them to act, and be scared of what you teach them to be scared of.
Thanks for this post Grim. I missed the Sendak interview. Good stuff.
Here is the thing; we expect very little from our children. We treat them like they are stupid, and that is what we are turning out into this world. We don’t hold them responsible for much and expect everyone else to give them a hand up or a hand out because they deserve it. Why? I don’t know. My children, now 22 and 24, have a respect for all things in the horror industry. When they were very little and asked questions like how does the mans hand move across the floor when it isn’t attached to his body? I started telling them about special effects and talking about imagination and fantasy versus reality.
Both of my girls enjoy halloween and are very artistic in their own right. I love that they always asked alot of questions and rather than ignoring them I always tried to give them an answer right or wrong, and leave room for a debate. It’s cool I never told them that I was always right, but just most of the time.
If someone treats you like a child you behave like a child. TALK TO YOUR CHILDREN THEY ARE LITTLE PEOPLE NOT POSSESIONS. Be sure that you tell them that the real monsters look just like everyone else and they may never be scared of a special effects monster again.